When was the last time you truly had a meltdown? You're really upset - crying, yelling, and someone says to you "Relax, you should breathe." Sounds simple. It must be good advice. We do it every day countless times every day. Oxygen in. Carbon Dioxide Out. But when someone says, "Breathe" we often reject it as something that won't help.
Many clients have said to me over the years when I introduce breathing techniques that it's not going to help. They say they've tried it before and it really won't do anything to help them feel better overall or to stop the thoughts raging in their heads. And yet we hear all about mindful moments, counting breath, diaphragmatic breathing etc. These are all recommended to be ways to find inner calm. Why do many professionals recommend deep breathing as a strategy for self-regulation and stress relief?
Well, first of all, when we breathe more slowly and get oxygen to our brains, we can allow our rational brain to work better and calm our emotional centers. Our blood pressure reduces and we can temporarily calm down. What often happens next (leading to the struggle mentioned above) is that once we calm down a little, our thoughts and feelings start to resume their attack on our peaceful state. We get hooked into these thoughts and feelings and more thoughts and feelings arise to escalate the situation. For example...
I experience anxiety and worried thoughts many times throughout the day. These thoughts keep returning and I start to wonder why I worry all the time. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just breathe and calm down? People must think I'm ridiculous. I can't take it! And so on and so on.
My advice is this: Breathe Mindfully. Use mindfulness to notice part of the physical sensation as you breathe. It could be your lungs expanding, causing your chest and belly to rise and fall. You can focus on the air moving through your nose, usually cool on the way in and warmer on the way out. You can listen to the air move through your airways and focus on the rhythm going in and out. It doesn't matter what you choose, just bring your attention to the sensation while you breathe normally. Having a focal point for your mindfulness beyond just "breathing" truly helps to focus the brain more deeply.
Now, I can guarantee that thoughts and feelings will rise up at some point. Maybe immediately. Maybe after you settle down. Regardless, the key here is to allow those thoughts to be. Accept them. You worry because you care. No feelings or thoughts have to be a problem, no matter how terrible. Tell yourself, "I know, it's those worried thoughts that usually come. It's ok."
They're thoughts. Don't fight them or worry why you "can't clear your mind". Thoughts and feelings always come. Instead of fighting against them, notice them and acknowledge them. Usually there is some reason why you have them. Don't go deeper with the feelings or thoughts. Turn your attention back to your mindful breathing. Focus on that sensation you were focusing on with your breath. When the thoughts come again (they will), expect them and accept them. Notice that you've been distracted and purposely choose to return to focusing on your breath.
It will take practice to learn to accept these feelings and emotions and not to run into the deep water with them. Don't judge yourself for the thoughts or emotions. That's what makes you human. Accept them. Breathe. Accept the thoughts. Breathe. Accept the feelings. Breathe. Commit to this practice and you will learn that thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings don't have to be in control. You can shift back to breathing every time you notice that you have been hooked by your thoughts or feelings.
This is a core idea in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. As Jon Kabot-Zinn, famous for advocating mindfulness practice says, "you can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf". Mindful Breathing is one skill that can get you out of the waves of emotions and thoughts and get you out on top in the sunshine for the ride.
To learn more about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindfulness, and other related topics, click on one of the other blog links below.
Counseling with Leigh Anne - a Teachers Pay Teacher store offering materials for mindfulness practice, expressive arts, and therapeutic approaches like ACT/CBT.
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