When parents see their children struggling with anxiety, it can be extremely painful. I've known a young teen with social anxiety who feared even going to a store because of having to engage in small talk and a fear of judgment. Another child wouldn't go outside after 9/11. He stayed inside, ate too much, and avoided looking out the window because planes might crash down on him and his world. Many children have refused to go to school for fear of separation from parents. One child was attacked by a dog and is starting to avoid going anywhere that a dog might be.
No parent wants their child to hurt. Sometimes parents will do anything to stop that pain. When it comes to anxiety, parents will often support children to avoid the pain of their anxiety. They will let them avoid moments that scare them. Sometimes that makes sense if there was a danger involved where the child was or almost got hurt. We don't want to traumatize our child again by putting them through that pain ever again.
But the truth about anxiety is that the only way to move past it is to turn and face it. This can feel very hard to do, especially when your child is crying, melting down and is clearly afraid. What we as parents need to know is that by helping them to face these fears, they are going to come out stronger than if they do not face them in the first place.
When we allow our children to escape their anxieties the future does not look bright. I've seen many children who grow up into adults whose worlds get very small. They won't try new things. They will not leave their home. They live with their parents and don't reach for their dreams.
The key to helping your child work through their anxiety is facing those fears with love and care. It is best to do all you can to remain calm when your child is facing their anxiety. Exposure therapy is known in the field of mental health to be a highly effective way to treat anxiety. Start by finding a small goal and work on small steps towards reaching it. For instance, the child who wouldn't leave his home needed to take it slow. I recommended that we didn't start with going to the park and powering through the anxiety. Rather, we took it one small step at a time. We would probably start by walking to the window but not looking out. I only push him to glance out the window when he can be near the window without fear.
Of course, children need to learn how to cope with anxiety that comes up so I suggest any type of mindfulness, deep breathing, progressive relaxation, journaling, expressive art, the list goes on and on. Doing these coping skills ourselves can help to support them in these difficult times by modeling as well as helping to keep our own anxiety in check. If you want some exercises you can try, check out this website. Try new things or get help from a professional to help your child find ways to manage their anxiety.
Step by step, I would gradually encourage him to move closer to the door until finally he steps outside the door. Usually once you reach a threshold and move past it some children will move a little quicker. Some will pull back and pause. Either way, it is ok. Just follow their lead and once they feel comfortable and safe, keep working on those baby steps. They can face their anxieties and keep their world open one step at a time.
Counseling with Leigh Anne - a Teachers Pay Teacher store offering materials for mindfulness practice, expressive arts, and therapeutic approaches like ACT/CBT.
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